There’s this all-too-familiar pattern I’m noticing that seems to pop up regularly with some of the couples that I work with in my workshops and private sessions, as well as many other couples I meet on my adventures.
It’s quite fascinating to witness this theme arise again and again in different relationships, and it frustrates me so much sometimes!
Firstly, to explain a little – I teach intimacy and sexuality for couples. I share tools and practices for deeper connection and heart opening. I share the art of conscious touch in workshops and retreats. I’ve worked with couples in many different capacities, but by far my absolute favourite practice to share with couples is Tantric Massage. Tantric massage is a profound tool for sexual awakening, expansion, connection, sensitising the body, releasing of old traumas and physical tension, learning to just receive and surrender, and discovering our potential as sexual beings. It’s the most powerful practice I know for couples to deepen together in terms of sex and intimacy. After all, sex is the catalyst for life – sex is what created us! So when we fully open to discover ourselves as sexual beings, it has a deep impact on our connection with ourselves, our intimate relationships AND the rest of our lives.
I very rarely work with couples in private sessions anymore (I have lots of other projects happening!) but it’s such a powerful experience for me when it does happen – teaching couples to give each other Tantric Massage. I love that it’s such an embodied experience happening in the moment, rather than a set of concepts from a book, or a bunch of theories and ideas. I know they can take that practice into their intimate lives together and that the basic principles that are involved in the Tantric Massage will inform the way they relate, love and share intimacy.
Recently I did a Tantric Massage teaching for a beautiful couple who inspired me deeply. They’ve been together for years, have two gorgeous kids, and are fully committed to their journey together, evolving through challenges, co-parenting, having beautiful experiences and loving themselves and each other. Guiding the man to give his partner a Yoni massage, seeing him touch her with such love and reverence, watching her surrender and soften into her body and allow herself to just receive, I was so touched at times – there were tears in my eyes as I felt the depth of their love and the beauty of their connection. I felt so honoured to be trusted to be in this intimate space with them, and to be sharing a practice that will support them to go even deeper together.
These two beautiful people really inspired me because they fully understand the importance of nurturing the relationship while things are still good.
The power of learning more EVEN WHEN they already have great sex and intimacy. The necessity to invest in their relationships BEFORE things get really difficult / shitty / unbearable. That’s the pattern I’ve noticed that frustrates me so much.
Most couples only go to a Tantra workshop (or couples retreat or therapy or counselling) AFTER things get really unpleasant. When they are ALREADY on the edge of breaking up, or no longer feel attracted to each other, feel totally disconnected or haven’t had sex in 6 months.
There’s this expectation that just going to a retreat will somehow save the relationship.
There’s the classic if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it approach. The idea that there needs to be something wrong in order to book a session / go to a retreat / ‘work’ on the relationship. “But we’re having great sex already, why learn more? We already know what to do!”
Most people tend to be quite repetitive in their expression of sexuality – we don’t exactly learn about variety at school / from friends / or in porn! It’s easy to just find what your partner likes, give them a quick orgasm and go to sleep. Three different positions in the same order. Predictable sex. Easy sex. Nothing wrong with that, of course. It’s just not accessing the full potential of what’s possible sexually.
Most couples I’ve taught Tantric bodywork to are blown away by what else is possible in terms of their relating and intimacy, things they hadn’t realised or didn’t know about.
What I’ve found working with couples for the last 5 years is that there is ALWAYS more to learn. Way more. Always. Always new worlds to discover together. Always new aspects of each other to delight in and explore.
Some people could use this idea to make themselves feel not good enough / bad / wrong. It’s not about that. For me it’s actually super exciting! I love that unknown place of expansion, of discovery, of exploration, of new unchartered territory. I love that it’s possible to have sex again like it’s the first time. To constantly be navigating new and exciting places together. To feel immense passion for a partner even after decades together. To feel totally juicy, loved-up and alive in your relationship. I love sharing this work with couples who can feel the importance of it – who want to continue to have a deeply fulfilling relationship and have beautiful adventures in intimacy beyond what they previously thought possible.
For those couples, we’ve created the Yoniverse Couples Retreat – a 4 day immersive experience in the rainforest of the Byron Bay Hinterland, where Elise and I will guide you through a delicious journey of connection, intimacy and Tantric massage practices and rituals.
This couples retreat is a dream come true for both Elise and I. After offering sold out Yoniverse workshops to hundreds of men and women all over Australia for the last year, we’re so ready to take this to the next level with an offering specifically for couples to go deeper and apply these practices in their intimate lives. …and it’s going to be an EPIC adventure for the ten couples who join us.
There are still some places left for the January retreat, and May is booking fast too, so do get in contact soon if you’re inspired! All details are on the event page below…